HOPE DEFERRED

Hope Deferred Makes The Heart Sick

I look out my kitchen window, gazing into nothingness as I mindlessly sip my cup of coffee. My mind scattered, thoughts loud, heart racing, and soul feeling detached. Time seems to be moving rapidly, yet my body stands still, stuck and lost in this moment of despair. Meeting Jesus with a hot cup of coffee is usually my favorite morning delight, but lately, I’ve been struggling to connect with Him. I haven't walked away; I know He's here, standing with me, trying to comfort me. But for some reason, I find it difficult to give Him the burdens I can no longer carry. 

I miss the mornings when I would savor each sip, looking out into nature and feeling overwhelmed with gratitude for the beauty of life He has blessed me with. I would talk, write, and sing to Him, pouring out my heart while resting in His arms, trusting Him as my good Father. 

Now, that light that used to shine so brightly feels dimmed. Life has broken my heart time and again, and I stand here feeling hopeless because everything feels dull and void of joy and fulfillment. 

It is difficult to share this because I once assumed that walking with the Lord meant having days filled with great faith, overflowing joy, and the peace that surpasses all understanding (at all times). Although, many days are like that we still experience sadness and disappointment too. Right now, I am sad. I feel sad looking back at all the mistakes I’ve made, sad about the time that’s been wasted, sad about the people who have hurt me and seem not to care, sad about the people I've hurt, sad about all the rejection I’ve faced, and sad that in some ways my life hasn’t turned out the way I had hoped. In many ways I am very blessed and I count those blessings daily and I’m extremely grateful, but there are things that I desire that have yet to come to pass.

Proverbs 13:12 (NIV) tells us, "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but longing fulfilled is a tree of life." 

I know I’m not the only one who feels heart sick. Many of us carry burdens, trauma, pain, and heartache that only God knows about. Our hearts cry out, “God, where are You?” because we lack the strength to bear the weight of disappointment. We are weary and desperately long to see our promises fulfilled.

Day after day, we wait expectantly, hoping that today will be the day we receive the call we’ve been waiting for, or that we’ll get a promotion, see results, or obtain whatever it is we desire. But nope. Nothing. Just crickets. We’re still heartbroken, still feeling doom and gloom, still facing a hope deferred.

So, how do we hold on to hope when it seems to fade with each passing day? I asked the Holy Spirit what I should do, and here’s what I believe He said:

Give it to Him - God desires for us to give our pain to Him. He never asked us to bear it alone. When Hannah (the barren wife) was desperate for change, she poured out her heart to God, and He remembered her by blessing her with Samuel.

Rest in Him - A few weeks ago, I was feeling very down, and just before I spiraled into deep depression, my phone rang. A sister in Christ called to say that the Lord had put me on her mind. She prayed for me, spoke life into me, and led me to read 1 Kings 19:1-8, the story of the prophet Elijah experiencing profound depression due to Jezebel’s death threat. He fled into the wilderness, and God comforted him by providing rest, food, and water to restore him. This story reveals the heart of God; it shows that He understands and cares about our suffering. In Matthew 11:28 (KJV), He says, “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”

Meditate on the truth of His Word - In Numbers 23:19 (KJV), we read, “God is not a man, that he should lie; neither the son of man, that he should repent: hath he said, and shall he not do it? Or hath he spoken, and shall he not make it good?” It can be challenging to believe in what we cannot see. I struggle with trusting God when my surroundings don’t match the promises He gave me. However, I know that His Word is true, and while I’m writing this for myself, I also want to encourage you to trust in Him. He will work everything together for our good.

Yes, hope deferred makes the heart sick, but let’s not overlook the latter part of that verse, which says, “But longing fulfilled is a tree of life.” I know it’s hard to believe this when we don’t see it yet, but hold on to your faith, my sister. We are in the same boat.

I’m not writing as someone who has already walked through it and reached the other side. I’m writing as someone who is currently in the midst of it, someone who feels what you are feeling, someone who is mourning with you. We have hope in Jesus Christ, and when that desire finally comes to pass—or whatever God has planned for us—it will bring a surge of joy. It’s okay to acknowledge the pain of waiting. Remember His promise that He will never leave nor forsake you, and He is inviting you to rest in Him and trust His timing while you wait.

Let’s Pray

Heavenly Father,  

We come to You brokenhearted, feeling weary in our wait for our promises to be fulfilled. Lord, help us to trust that Your plans for us are good and that You see us, hear us, and care for us in the midst of our suffering. Give us the peace that surpasses all understanding and help us keep our minds and hearts focused on You, for only You can truly fulfill us. Amen.

Disclaimer: I am not an expert in theology. I’m just sharing what I’ve learned during my personal bible study time. I encourage you to take everything back to the Lord in prayer. If you have any questions regarding accuracy, please conduct your own research or seek wise counsel from the leaders in your church or a respected figure within your community.